The Luxuries When Traveling

I am walking down the hallway of a hotel with a toilet seat.

I am in Yaounde, Cameroon. Staying at Marli Palace Hotel. Now, you must appreciate the term 'palace' in the name of the hotel, and then consider that there is nothing palace like about this hotel. The last time I was here I had to negotiate hard with the hotel staff for a towel. This time, a toilet seat.

So how is it I found myself walking down the hallway with the toilet seat?

Once settled into my room, I realized I had no toilet seat. Given I was at the hotel for five nights, well, a toilet seat is a luxury for which I thought worth negotiating. After some sweet talking, a maid showed up at my door with one. Later that afternoon, after meetings with the Minister of Environment, I got back to the hotel and my air conditioner had spewed water across the room. So, management moved me to a new room. In the process of moving I locked my room key in the room.

Ok, no problem, I went to the front desk to get the extra key, only to learn, there are no extra keys, none. The key I had is the only key and it was locked in my room, along with my wallet, passport, computer, you name it. Also consider that all these discussions are in French. So while I may think I know what is going on, chances are I am totally off base given my rudimentary French, despite the years of study.

A man with excellent red shoes and matching red underwear, classic low hanging jeans to reveal them just a smidgen, arrives at my locked door in the stifling hot hallway, with a dinner knife to open the door. For the next 40 minutes on his hands and knees he tries to pry the door open, trip the lock, all with a kitchen knife. Now remember the hotel is not a palace, so the knives are not strong sterling. The man went through a number of knives, bending and snapping many as he tried desperately to open the damn door. Also consider the temperature in Yaounde, hot and humid. So the poor man is drenched in sweat trying to open the door.

After some time, we start to consider rappelling off the roof to get into the window, yes, I am serious, how else do you get into a room? We had identified the route to the roof, the window etc... Just as we were exploring this option, the red shoe man successfully cranked the door open. After slipping the guy some cash, moving my luggage to the new room, I realized there was no toilet seat in the new room; thus, returned to the old room and found myself walking down the hallway with a toilet seat.